Everything New

The first morning Jerry was in ICU, Eyes of Agony were my thoughts for both of us. I could only record my thoughts, not his. When I saw him that afternoon, he acknowledged he was dying (his heart was losing its beat). He already had his share of suffering and did not want any help to remain here.

The second morning’s thought was completely different. “Everything New” seemed so strange in light of what was happening. What could this mean except the Holy Spirit’s insight for me to know that for Jerry everything would be new for him in heaven?

What about me?

I sensed an assurance that in the Lord’s timing, he would make all things new for me, too. I have to continually remember those thoughts.

The first month I had to settle a lot of things, transfer data to my accounts, and other things ~ social security, etc. There was no time to think of what had happened that week in the ER, ICU, and Hospice.

Last month I began taking care of things here in the home.

Sorrow came in spurts as if my heart was being sucked out of my chest. I felt I had died with Jerry.

A week ago and through my first birthday without him in 59 years, I was in a dark tunnel.

These feelings have been uncontrollable, making me know the truth of God’s Word from Lamentations 3:26 “It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord.”

After days in the tunnel, I found myself on a deserted island. It was time for me to face the reality of being alone ~ but at least there was fresh air, blue skies, and vegetation. (The Glad Rule)I knew there had been others on the same island when I fell into a pit. It was shallow enough that I could have climbed out, but the small space was just right for my pitifulness.

Days later, I experienced what seemed a tidal wave so strong as to wash me out of the pit, off the island, and into the ocean ~ a sea of uncertainty.

I thought, “I have to walk on water or drown.”  Instead, I sensed a lifting and holding and later the ability to float. This has to be the result of many prayers for me.

At times I thought I would see land.

There is none in sight, yet. I am waiting, still dealing with the sorrow ~ but even in tears, to replace these thoughts with the promises of my heavenly Father and everything new He has planned.

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’” Isaiah 41:10

“For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.” Isaiah 54:5

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

Dear Father, I believe Your Word is true and powerful to accomplish all you say you will do. I praise you for your promises and wait for you. Fill me with your Spirit and move me as you desire to accomplish all your holy will for me. Let me continue to be a witness of your grace, goodness, and glory. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
Fran

Image: Google

24 thoughts on “Everything New

  1. I am sorry for your loss Fran. It’s comforting to know the Lord is with us in our darkest hour, carrying us through the pain. On His promises we can stand and we look forward to the day we see our Jesus face to face.
    Amen ! to your prayer.
    Love in Jesus

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was on your website last night, looking at the pictures of you and Gerry. You are right at the front of my prayer list and I hold you up daily. I read very carefully every word that you say and when you speak of tears and sorrow, it brings tears to my eyes also because I can almost feel it. The first birthday in 59 years with Gerry really got me. There is such a softness and beauty in your faith that speaks of your heart and I know how that comes about. Just wanted to let you know the love of Christ that comes your way. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dearest Fran,
    as I read I was reminded of the goodness of God. Thank you for penning these words for us. For you. I could sense the Spirit say, “Listen!”
    While this kind of grief has not visited me, I am in tears thinking about you in this loss.
    There is so much strength I have found in my marriage as we both have climbed so many mountains of troubles together in 32 years. After 59 years? I cannot fathom.
    In days when many give up so soon, you are showing us, even in this grief, this deep sadness, the weight and cost of lasting friendship and love. Your words are the balance to a scale which weighs the cost of love. The worth of it. The price of it.
    Thank you, dearest friend, for faithfully walking and living the covenant of love, even now in your grief. Thank you for reminding me today of God’s great and costly love for us.
    Praying for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so sorry for your great and grievous loss, Frances. I know somewhat the kind of grief you describe, but without the same longevity you have described. May our most gracious LORD wrap you in His loving arms and give you Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Valerie Caraotta

    This is so hard for you Fran and I can’t imagine the impact for the many years you have been with Jerry. I am sure it feels like a part of you is severed. I will pray that as the days unfold that God will give you His peace and also renewed vigor for new things He has for you in this new season. You demonstrate to many how aging in wisdom is such a blessing to those that glean from years of being with the Lord. Because this does not take Him by surprise, He has a clear path for you to take and I know you will follow His leadings well. May all you do bring eternal reward. I know Jerry in His new body is rooting for you to finish your race well.😀❤️🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌👏👏

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Trusting our Father God while floating and waiting in the sea of sorrow is the way of godly grief. We weep and praise Him in the storm; we rest our heart on His bosom during the calm. And we wait for sight of the shore that does not come. But the time does come when, instead of floating along at the mercy of the tide, we begin to kick our feet a little and then to swim short distances. All in His strength and power and for His glory. Oh, how we will rejoice when we finally meet! God bless you, Fran, for the sweet encouragement of your gentle spirit.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Fran, I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart hurts with yours. What an amazing privilege and heritage we have to know that death is never goodbye for a believer. Yes, everything is new for Jerry… But I believe God spoke that word to and for you, here on this earth. Grieving is necessary and we must go through this process. But in time, God will begin His work in you to bring joy, purpose, and newness of life. How do I know this? Because I have been through this process of losing those closest to me and I know He is faithful to uphold, strengthen, and renew. Blessings to you, Sister. You are in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

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